So.. I am in love with you… Oh how much I hate to acknowledge this, to admit this, but .. no point denying it anymore, cause I cannot deny it, I feel it in every cell of my body and mind and heart..
I did not want this to happen.. I wanted to stay cool, to play cool, to not get really involved, to not crave for you, to be able to stand apart without missing you for a moment, and look, oh just look where it lead me..
And I do not want anything more than to escape this, to escape these feelings, and sadness that comes with it… this mixture of suffering and joy, of love and despair, of craving and knowing you can never be mine.. the way I wish you to be now..
You are hers, and she is yours, and that is the end of this story. What the hell I just let happen?
Why on earth did I not prevent this..
Why are you so good to me, every look at me, every notion, every little gesture, just hits me where I am vulnerable… and you get another piece of my heart…
I think you have it all at this stage.. and I want it back.. will you please just give it back to me? Why can’t you? Why you say you do not want to? That your logic is saying one thing but your feelings another? and that you are lost…
Are we both lost?
You do not seem to be lost, if I may be honest.. It seems this is easy for you… You have it both ways, I have it none it looks like.. I shouldn’t have it any way anyways..
Can you just leave me alone? Can we just go back to being friends and colleagues, and then, then there will be peace in my heart again.. Peace in my heart and in my soul…
Just stay from that side of the line please.. Do not cross it anymore, every time you want to touch me and hug me and kiss me and caress me, cause I cannot say no to you, I take it every single time and then I crave for more of it..
Fck, what did I do to myself….